Monday, July 24, 2006

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Stress is the "wear and tear" our bodies experience as we adjust to our
changing environment; it has physical and emotional effects on us and can create positive or negative feelings. As a positive influence, stress can help compel us to action; it can result in a new awareness and an exciting new perspective. As a negative influence, it can result in feelings of distrust, rejection, anger, and depression, which in turn can lead to health problems such as headaches, upset stomach, rashes, insomnia, ulcers, high blood pressure, heart disease, and stroke.

Do parents go through undue stress when it comes to their children. I think that from the time they are born, actually it even starts before the birth of a child.You stress about their health, their studies and if we are doing a good job raising our children and even later on , you stress about the friends they have, the person they are going to marry and so on. I think stress and worry go hand in hand. How do we seperate the two.

Right now I am so stressed because my daughter is doing a very important examination. I know in my heart that she will give it everything she has, but I am still worried for her. I am stressed because it is a difficult exam, stressed if she will do well, stressed because I dont want her to be hurt. I dont want her to be upset if she does not do well.At the same time when I talk to her I dont want her to know that I am as stressed as she is.I want to remain calm, I tell her about episodes in my life where I have not done well.I tell her that no matter what LIfe will go on and when she is older she will look back and maybe laugh .She tells me that there are some kids who are so stressed about the exam that they are throwing up.Mom she says "Atleast I am not doing that." I know she does not want to disappoint us. I tell her its OK but I think we put so much of emphasis on education and the expectations we have on a child that they are scared of not coming through.I dont know if it is a good thing or bad.

Today she is taking the Exam.I say to her" make sure you take your glasses incase you drop your contact lens, take a light jacket because the exam room may get too cold with the AC.Its very hot outside so make sure you take some water with you. Sleep well and eat a good breakfst and dont forget to pray. She listens patiently and then says. " thank you mom for everything and for caring. I love you."

Does that make me less stressed. It does to a certain degree. Her voice is calm, she reassured me that she will be OK.I know as parents we can never ever be without stress.I only pray that when she is a parent she will be less stressed than me.


Poetry by Kai 4:55 PM  

a lot of stress

priya 5:07 PM  

Starry life itself is a stress when we need to accomplish or achieve things to compete.
As a student her priority is to give the best and as a duaghter she has to fulfill parents wishes.

I wish her good luck and you better take care.

starry nights 5:28 PM  

Kai..thank you

starry nights 5:29 PM  

Priya..thank you.Life is a lot of stress good ones and bad.thank u for your kind words.

Vineela 5:49 PM  

Hi lalitha,
Nice write up .Stress is everywhere in everybodys life.

Mindinside 7:41 PM  

I also wish her good luck and peace of mind for you.

Kuan Gung 8:06 PM  

It's incredible..every once in a while a do a stress check, and of course I then connect with my body and realize how much I need to release...I do this everytime I lay down to sleep too...amazing how much is always there...

Traveling Soldier 8:16 PM  

Well written and very thoughtful message....

I wish her all the best. With caring mom like you, she will become a great person in Life.

southpaw 8:53 PM  

That was a sweet conversation with ur daughter.
I do wonder at times the sort of pressure my mom must hv gone thru raising me, she still goes thru the same pressure, though these days she has kavita to share that pressure.
This reminds me of blog i wrote sitting in the hospital in germany to thank all those special ppl who hv always stood by me, here's the link..

Aditi 9:16 PM  

Well good luck to her if she hasnt already taken the exam....
Its important as children to know that when u face hurdles, even if they are exams your parents support you no matter what. I bet she is glad to have such a caring mother

starry nights 9:17 PM  

Vineela..thank you

starry nights 9:17 PM  

Mindinside..thank you. I do need peace of mind.

starry nights 9:18 PM  

Kuan..thanks. we dont realize sometimes how much stress there is.

starry nights 9:19 PM  

Travelling soldier. thank you and welcome to my blog and please do come again.

starry nights 9:20 PM  

Southpaw..true. parents do go thru a lot of stress and you dont realize untill you are a parent yourself.

starry nights 9:21 PM  

Aditi..thanks.she is such a wonderful daughter.

Alexis Leon 9:29 PM  

Lalitha, I am sure she is going to ace the exam. Don't worry. It seems you are all stressed out while your daughter is calm, composed and self assured. Go get some sleep :-)

starry nights 9:38 PM  

Alexis..thank you for those kind words.I need to be calm.

prithz 9:53 PM  

So true!!!!

Firstly, i pray that ur daughter does perfectly well in her exam. Dotn worry, i'm sure she will be fine. U do take care too :)

Stress is something most of us cant avoid, unless one is the easy-go-lucky kind.... and takes life in its stride.... it is really hard to go on without stress in this competitive world...

When i was in school, i used to be one of these stressed kids... i jus wont be able to get food down my throat, and if i fail to finish my target, i will be really annoying to stay/talk with... my parents were really patient and they would speak soothing words to me... when in the exam hall, my mom ususally doesnt pray that i do my exam well, but that i stay healthy enough to take the exam.. and that i dont faint its ultimately important that we are fit both physically and mentally to give our best performance...

Mr. J 10:16 PM  

Hmmm... you are stressed- Dr. Me

starry nights 10:28 PM  

Prithz..So true. I should pray that she stays well enough to do the exam.thank you for those kind words.

starry nights 10:28 PM can tell I am a stressed mom.

Eclipsed Thoughts 10:37 PM  

i am sure she will come out great... and with a caring and supporting mother like you, she will come perfect with flying colors (not only now, but also future).
Yes, social pressures do build up in life, but taking them with acceptance would be perfect.

All the best to your daughter!

Why Am I 11:02 PM  

aww...yup...its irritating when our parents get stressed out for wht we think is insconspicous..but i guess we'll know only if we become parents!..thanks for the insight starry!

Hip Grandma 11:07 PM  

appreciate the kid for every step forward,guide her when she tends to falter and never judge her if ever she fails.ask her to stand up and try not fret,i'm sure she'll do well.

Keshi 11:15 PM  

u have a big daughter Starry? Wow never thought that. Good luck to her and I hope she did well.

Stress is my best friend...she's always there in my life and I need her to do well in certain things. She becomes bad for me, only when I over-indulge in her friendship :)


Contented 11:34 PM  

Well written post on stress. I suppose every body one time or the other have experienced both +ve and -ve influences of it.

You are very much right about the stress of parents raising their children. I dont think they ever be completely stress free on the subject of their kids.

Dont ya worry.She will be fine and will ace the exam..All our wishes are with her.You are a wonderful Mom...:)

Twisted DNA 12:57 AM  

I am over 30. My parents STILL get stressed out about certain things that are important for me... for example, when we bought the house (it'a a big thing if you are paying so much money for a town home in the bay area) or when I am spending sleepless nights taking care of our son. I think parents never stop stressing over their kids.

The bottom line is, don't expect any releif anytime soon :)

jac 2:09 AM  

If you are under stress, please remember that you are loosing a part of your life, Lalitha !

You know my mail ID if you need ?

chandni 2:12 AM  

phew! parenthood scares me....

usual life isalready stressful...I dont know what will happen after the kids come :)

~*. D E E P A .* ~ 2:50 AM  

hey !

i never thought of this .. i mean i never thought my parents would be so stressed abt my exams .. coz i always saw them smiling and wishing me , and waiting to pick me up etc etc etc
thanx for sharing the experience

how old is ur daughter ? herez wishing her all the best .... and u too

btw , thanx for blogrolling me ... i am unable to access the site , but shall add u asap


seriously_frivolous 3:27 AM  

My best wishes to your daughter. Nice to see a very caring mom.

While I might sound too philosophical...the feeling of stress is what goes through your mind when it puits every thing in a time scale. The fear from the past events and the anxiety of the future. Maybe if you cut yourself off from the time bound thought, there should be no stress. Or, reduce the noise that the mind makes.

Jeevan 5:58 AM  

Life is full of stress, its negtive or positive depends on how we take. All the best for your daughter, she is lucky to get a lovely mom like you:)

samuru999 6:27 AM  

Good post!
Sometimes I am at my best
under stress... not too much
though... as long as it does not
consume me.
If it ever gets to be too much I
can always become peaceful very
quickly with some beautiful calming thoughts... always works
for me.
I do hope the test went well for
your daughter.
I know I tend to get a little
anxious whenever my son comes
up to bat in baseball.
I always want him to hit a homerun!
Take care.

Sumitha 6:38 AM  

Oh Star I am sure all mothers feel the same as you do!Life is so strange that no matter how stressed out we get ,what has to happen will happen, no matter whether we stress about it happening the way we want it to happen!BUt we still feel stressed!

starry nights 7:30 AM  

eclipsed thoughts..thank you

starry nights 7:31 AM  

Why am I..thank you.yes its differnt when the roles change.

starry nights 7:32 AM  

Hip grandma..thank you for your encouragement and kind words.

starry nights 7:33 AM  

Keshi..I never thought about stress in that way. thank you. overindulgence in anything is bad,

starry nights 7:33 AM  

Contented..thank you for your kind thoughts and words.

starry nights 7:34 AM  

twisted dna..thank you for stopping by my blog and please do come again. A parents worry is never over.

starry nights 7:35 AM  

Jac..thank you for your support. I need that.

starry nights 7:36 AM  

Chandni..parenthood is wonderful. just need to accept stress and worry as part of it. you will make a good mom.

starry nights 7:38 AM  

Deepa..thank you. parents always have to be brave and put up a front in order not to make the children feel bad. I am sure if she knows I am stressed she will be also.

starry nights 7:39 AM  

seriously_frivolous.....Welcome to my blog and please do stop by again. Dont know how to seperate the two.

starry nights 7:39 AM  

Jeevan..thank you

starry nights 7:40 AM  

Thank you samuru999.

starry nights 7:41 AM  

Sumitha..You are right. stress is going to be there no matter what.


Hey Starry...U r an amazing Mom and so are you is always the case tht parents worry..My mom would tell me tht I would too when I grow older I too would feel the same n I would always tell her noways! I dont think I am as worried as her or maybe I cant even compare as I dont seem to worry at all compared to her....

Even when parents worry, children too do worry - as its their future tht is at stake.

YOur daughter told you some real wonderful words and maybe u can give the credit tht worrying aint taking you or anyone anywhere but stress is something you really cant help!

Am sure she has done well!

starry nights 8:39 AM  

Scribblez..thank you.I think stress will always follow you no matter where u go.

Id it is 12:25 PM  

Worry and stress are the byproducts of living. Living involves the highs and the lows. When we experience the highs, the adrenalin wipes out the stress. However, when the lows emerge those worry lines crease the brow. The silverlining is that neither of these two are permanent; they keep alternating to give us breathers as we go along. So don't worry, it's all going to pass.
Good wishes to your daughter.

starry nights 1:56 PM  

Thank you Id it is..for your kind words.

Dotm 3:53 PM  

Do we ever stop worrying? My kids are all grown and raising kids of their own, some have grown kids and grandkids , but the worrying never fully stops.
I don`t get as upset when worrying as I did when mine were small, but I still worry at times.
Today one of the granddaughters stopped in to see me and when she was hugging me , saying good-by, I told her that her mom and Dad were so lucky to have such nice kids as her and her brother. You see, my son and his wife adopted these two kids a few years ago. They are nice kids and so loving that you can tell how much happier they are living with my son and his wife. This grand daughter just turned 11 last month and her bro turned 16 this month. I can see such a change in them from the untrusting lost looking kids they were when they first came to live with them. The grandson moved in over 6 yrs ago and they learned of the sister about 4 yrs ago. They had grown up in foster homes and didn`t know each other till they were adopted. Now, I worry as much about them as I do the others in my family.

starry nights 4:34 PM  

DotM..thank you. I think worrying never ends and it is a part of life.That is so nice to hear about your grandchildren.

geetha 10:44 PM  

It was so sweet of your daughter to reply with a 'I love you' instead of "Stop nagging", "I know", "You don't have to tell me.." which is more common answers among teenagers when mothers concernly advise them.

Has to be me 6:11 AM  

Just chill & relax. Do u know something Stressed spelt backwards reads Desserts!!! So just go & eat what u wish to relieve ur stress!!! heee heee!

Hope the exams went on well. dont worry Im sure things will be fine.

starry nights 8:26 AM  

Thank you Geetha. she is a nice child, always listens patiently.I am truly blessed.

starry nights 8:27 AM  

Has to be me..thanks that is funny. you know if I ate desserts every time I was stressed I would weigh 400lbs.

nandi23 8:55 PM  

I know that I'm late, but I hope that the exam was a blast and that she did well!

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