Friday, September 29, 2006

A Day At The Doctor..

I spent the whole day at the doctors office yesterday. It was an hours drive, exhausting, fighting through so much of traffic and finally we get there. This is a new specialist I am seeing for my back. He is located in Beverly Hills, thought there would be some star sighting but did not. Actually if it was night time I would have seen many stars because it was a clear beautiful starry night.

First you enter a large waiting room, sign your name in, my appointment time was 12 noon look at the list ahead of my name, and there are 5 names signed in for 1130 and 3 for 12 noon. So according to my calculation even if the doctor spends 10 minutes with each patient and 5 minutes chatting with the nurses that takes my appointment time to 2pm. Well there was nothing else to do but look around the room, pretend to be happy you are there and smile.
I settle myself as best I can in the big chair, I have a hard time sitting so I had to crunch my feet up, tried not to offend anyone and just leaned my head on "J"s big shoulders, actually I think it was his big arm because I don't think my head will reach his shoulders, I am only 5ft and he is 6'2". So you can get a picture of what it actually looked like.

Looking around the room I see many people, most of them appeared bored, few were irritated at the long wait. The only saving grace was that the chairs were comfortable, the air was cool and there was a plasma TV . One can only stare at the TV for only a short time, with only soaps being aired and no sound, you had to mouth read to figure out what was going on. Anyway we saw some of the soap stars that we had not seen since the last 15years, reminisced about how they appear to look the same, even the old people had not aged.( I personally think its plastic surgery and Botox.)

Finally I hear my name being called, I was all excited, I look at the clock it is 1.45pm. not bad I say to myself actually I am 15mins early even though my appointment was at 12. I go into this smaller room. You think you are going to be seen right away, but no, this is just another small waiting room, a private one. I lie on the exam table and wait, and wait and wait. I can hear the Doctor talking to the patient in the next room, I listen to his footsteps and take a deep breath thinking I am next, but he has gone past my room to another, so I just wait. I can see J getting impatient, and restless but finds comfort in a Newsweek even if it is one that he has already read.

In walks a little guy with a white long coat that looks like he is wearing a dress. " welcome " he says .I am Dr"A" I am going to ask you a few questions and then Dr "B" will be in. I figure this must be a resident or an Intern . He asks a hundred questions, twists my body into multiple positions, up and down, right side and left side, tippy toe and heel low. taps on my knees and hits on my ankles. Writes a few things down which I am dying to read, but I cant because he has his back turned to me.

Finally the famous Dr "B" arrives, with his long blond flowing hair and his English accent. He reviews what Dr "A" had written , explains that he has seen the MRI and he can help me back on my feet. I am thrilled hoping maybe they can take me in right now and have my surgery done, but my spirits were dampened when he said he needed another MRI and a Disco gram done. The Disco gram is going to be done on Monday and the MRI next week. So I have to wait for another two weeks to find out when I am going to have my surgery.

We leave the office, they even have Valet parking so that was nice, we stop and have lunch because we were starving, and try to figure out how I am going to get there on Monday. "J" may have to take another day off.

I was disappointed because there is still another wait, but it was OK. Even though it was a long day, I got to spend a whole day with "J". It was nice and I have another nice long day to spend with him on Monday. He was especially nice and said he enjoyed the day with me even if it was spent at the Doctors office.


Tuesday, September 26, 2006


By Vijay Age 15.

The court is silent and tranquil,
The once freshly painted lines
lay discolored and stripped.
The floor is scratched and the wood chipped away,
The nets are now a dark gray,
And hanging on a thread.

There are no young talents
playing their hearts out.
No coaches in new suits
doing anything in their power to win.
There are no yelling fans coming to see their teams play.
The fast and thunderous heart beats can no longer be heard.
The once bright red score board hangs corrupt, and no longer draws ones eyes.

Only when one listens closely, there is a faint echo of the buzzer that crushed so many hearts.

My home right now is like the empty basketball court, only remnants of things that were, no games are being played, no yelling fans. It is silent, when I listen carefully I hear the children laughing and playing, fighting and screaming. I was the coach , wanting them to win.


Monday, September 25, 2006


I look around the house, I see traces of the things the children left behind, a magazine, shopping bags, book receipts , coke and a lot of food in the fridge .I am sad. It was a beautiful summer. I really had a nice time that the kids were home though I was unable to go out and have fun, I had a good time just spending some quality time talking, watching movies and sometimes just doing nothing. In the morning Maya would wake up and come sit on my bed and we would watch something on TV. Discuss what was happening around the world. Have breakfast talk about her friends and soon it will be time for lunch. Vijay would be up and would go to the gym. He would always bring a movie to watch , on his way back and never fail to bring me an Indian sweet from the Indian store. I thank god for giving me wonderful children. I was not too much of fun because I would be in pain a lot but they still made me feel that they were having fun.

They tried to spend a lot of time at home with me, we would have a cup of tea together in the morning ,sometimes in the afternoon and at night. In between I got a lot of hugs and they always made me feel special. I am going to miss them.

Vijay made my day when he said "Amma I had a good summer here with you." Sometimes it is the simple things in life that make us happy. It does not have to be store bought presents or big words, it can just be a smile or a thank you.

All good things have to come to an end. I was glad that I spent some time with them. Now it is going to be just "J" and me, hopefully we can carry on the good times that we had when the kids were home. It is hard to let go of your children, I tell myself they have to do what they need to and I should let go. Sometimes it is hard but I have to remind myself that I should not be selfish and only think of how I feel. I have raised them I think pretty well and have given them wings so they can fly. Vijay is still not completely out of the nest , has a few more years to go. All I can say is "Thank you God for giving me this time with them"


Thursday, September 21, 2006

Tag world
I have been tagged by CHANDNI and Raj...

I need to list six bloggers that I would like to meet in person and these bloggers are automatically tagged.

When I started to blog I did not know I would meet so many wonderful people. It has been a good experience for me . so many people have helped me along the way, given me courage and made me smile when I was sad. Whenever I read a post I often think of the person writing it, sometimes I try to get a mental picture of the person, wonder about their life and family, where they live and what they do. I sometimes worry when someone has not posted for a long time and I hope they are well. All my blogger friends have a place in my heart. It is hard to pick just six. If I could have my way I would have a great big Bloggers reunion and get to meet all those faces behind those blogs. Now would'nt that be neat. That is just a dream so here I go.....

.. Fun loving and honest. Ilike reading her posts and would love to see this beautiful person.

.. I read her posts while she was here and then followed her to India. Her posts are always lively and fun. One day I would like to meet her.

.He is my hero. I really liked reading the cartoons he posted and he would take the time to explain it to me. I was really impressed when I read about his life and what he has gone through and how he met his wife. He is just a nice, kind guy. I feel like I have known him all my life.

.. I would like to meet this artist who does all these beautiful lay outs and also he took the time and offered to make one for me .A perfect stranger wanting to help someone he did not even know.

John.. Another blogger, I have read his posts many times and kind of travelled with him to his new job. He also made a template for me and was so sweet to me, he took time out of his busy schedule to do this. I would like to see who this person is.

Neers.. Her writing is awesome, she is mysterious and has an aura about her. I would like to meet her in person, maybe have a cup of tea and look at all her paintings and drawings.

...If I make it to Australia one day, I will have to meet this fun loving, sensitive, and beautiful person. I think it would be a lot of fun and she would go dancing.

.. I make it a point to read her Blog , I think there is a really nice and sensitive person there, much to be learned from reading her posts.

.. Every day there is a new poem out there. sometimes I feel it was written just for me. I have to meet this talented poetess. She is a caring and true friend.

... He is mysterious, very poetic and artistic too. need to meet the man behind the lines.

Twisted DNA.. There is always humor in his posts and it makes me smile.

..His writing is awesome and he is an intriguing person, someone I would like to meet.

..Love to see all the pictures and stories he posts.I think he is a caring and sensitive person

....A very interesting and intriguing person.

..Awesome story writer. would love to see him in person.

Scribblez. Last but not least I would certainly like to meet scribblez. I love reading her posts and poems. I can go on and on but have to stop I think I made it to twelve. I wish I could add everyones name because I would like to meet you all.



Wednesday, September 20, 2006


You stood by the doorway
Fresh and green.
one day

I saw that you had withered
And there were no leaves seen.

I felt sad and guilty
To have neglected you so.
I started watering you daily
Hoping you would grow.

Finally one day
A small green leaf
Appeared on the bough below

I was all excited
And watched you grow.

I watched in anticipation
Counting the leaves everyday
Hoping you would
Now there are many leaves
I know that you are alive.

All that was needed
was love and care
A little bit of nurturing
A chance to grow
to show your new leaves
and still stand at my door.

P.S. I dont have a picture of the plant bare because I thought of sharing this only after it started to grow.


Monday, September 18, 2006


There is a new book called "For one more day" By Mitch Albom that will be be in the book stores on sept 26th. It is all about getting one more day with the person you miss. I have often pondered on this very same question and was rather surprised to see an article in the paper about this book. What would I want to do? and who would that be?

I think I would like one more day with my mother. I would want to hug her, tell her I love her and then thank her for the many things she did for me , that went unnoticed. Having my own daughter has made me realize a lot of things. whenever I have a long talk with her, laugh about something we see or read about,or just being together or spending a day at the mall makes me happy, I think it is the little things that we do together that makes it special and I treasure every minute of it.

My mother would have loved to share these little moments with me and I did not let her. I remember leaving India and coming to the U.S. I was really upset with my mother. I did not want to leave my friends behind, I had just met "J" a few years before, it broke my heart to leave him and I blamed my mother. I did not talk with her on the flight. I was sad and it made her sad. I wish I could have been more understanding, made the trip better for me and her, she wanted a better life for me and thats why we left India. I was young and did not realize that. She passed away a few years later, right after I married "J" and before my children were born.

If I had one more day with her I would tell her I am sorry . I would take her shopping, sit on the park bench and watch the sunset, have an ice cream or just sit on the bed and talk. I would share my feelings with her and ask for her advice. Only now I realize that my mother had my best interest at heart. A day would not suffice because I would have so much to share with her. Its like meeting a friend you have not seen in years, there is so much catching up to do.where do you start?

I think this teaches us that we have to make each day special. Do what you can today to make each memory a good one. I have learned a lot, changed my life for the better, I only wish my mother could see me now.



Friday, September 15, 2006


For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to be hurt, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3, v. 1-8

Have a good weekend my friends.


Wednesday, September 13, 2006


I think I mentioned in a previous post that a serial that I was watching was suddenly cancelled and it has been replaced with a new one called "Kalyani". I had vowed not to watch another serial for fear of it being terminated again, but "J" said maybe I should watch this because it was produced by the same producers and it appeared to be good. The first few episodes were good, the typical sterotype story of a father having a hard time to get kalyani married, and it was because she was dark and not as beautiful as her sisters.

The story goes on to where the parents of a young man ask for this girls hand in marriage, they dont mind that she is dark because she is the daughter of a friend and also because she is going to bring good luck on the family. The son always wanted a girl that was fair, educated and modern. He mistakes another girl as the bride and agrees to the marriage. When he finds out that this girl is kalyani and she is dark and not beautiful he wants out of this marriage but the father threatens to commit suicide and so he marries her. I can understand him wanting a nice looking girl, most guys do. it is really his choice because he has to live with her.

What got me really upset was that the girl is always referred to as a blackie or a black servant and also when ever the guy looks at her he sees a black goat. That was really sad, I dont know this can happen in the 21st century, how anyone even thought it would be OK to produce a serial like this. Even on the first night of their marriage he treats her bad and makes her sleep on the floor, he makes her look in the mirror and tells her she is black.

I began to wonder what the casting was like. did they advertise for a dark not so good looking girl, and how the actress must have felt that she was playing this part. I also wonder what kind of message is being sent to young dark unmarried girls, are they going to feel that their life if going to be miserable and no one will marry them because they are dark. There are all sorts of colors of people in India and it made me really sad. I think Ekta and Shobha Kapoor should be sending a different message to young girls in India. Maybe as the story progresses it may be different and he may love her for who she is, but it still does not send the right message. What do you think?

PS...I accidently deleted my previous post. I am sorry because I had tagged a few people If you need the questions I can email it to you.


Saturday, September 09, 2006


Which is the single best post you have read on any blog, post the link

That is a difficult question because I have been inspired by so many
different posts, itwould be unfair to name one.

2. Which is the best post you have written and which is the worst. explain why.

Well! I have to say it was the post on "girls don't fly kites."
because it brought back fond
memories for me. A time when I used to have a lot of fun running after
my brothers.I have
written a few bad ones, many done in a hurry,cannot name just one.

3. How about a place you have never been to, but would very much like to see.

It will have to be Tibet. I love the place, the people and the
religion. my dream is to place a
prayer flag on one of those mountains.

4. If you were a member of the opposite sex, what would you do differently.

I am glad I am not a member of the opposite sex.(guys no offence
here). I am happy to be
me. A wife and a mother. Even though I am a woman I have had many
opportunities to
advance in my carrier. I have never experienced gender inequality.(
women activists dont
kill me. I am only talking about me and not for all women.) Even if I
were a man I would be
just me.

5. Do you remember a recuurent childhood dream or nightmare, tell us about it.

we used to tell a lot of ghost stories and usually it would be at
night, so Iwould wake up in
the middle of the night screaming, thinking there was a ghost in the
room.But I never missed
out on any ghost stories .I would be there again eager to listen, then
wake up at night

6. Make me laugh or make me cry,put your words to use.

I remember my mother running after me with a cane in her hand because
I was naughty,but I was too fast and she would never catch up with
me.this episode always makes me laugh.

7. Do you regret unfulfilled dreams, the inaccessible roads and the

I do regret some of the things I have done, maybe I should not have,
because it has not worked out, but I try to put it aside and not focus
too much on it. I have hope and tell myself I still have time to
fulfill some dreams and tread on uncharted land.

8. What is a friend to you and what are you to a friend.

I think a friend is someone you can rely on, someone you can call upon
at any time of thenight or day. A person who you can trust and a
person who knows your needs and responds to it even before you tell
them. I think I am all of this to a friend.

9.T.S.Elliot measured his life with coffee spoons, how about you.

I think my life is measured like the grains of sand in a sand timer.
It is slowly slipping by.I need to speed up and do the things I want
before my time is up, because unlike the timer I wont get a second
chance. one life is all I am given and I need to live it well.

10.Write your own Epitaph, or if it is too hard, how would you like
your Epitaph to read.

"Thank you everyone for being there for me, thank you for showing me
love,I am sorry if I have hurt anyone. I have lived my life.I think I
lived it well.

I am going to tag..Eclipsed thoughts, Priya, Jeevan, South paw, Neers
and Pavithra. Any one else please feel free to carry out this tag.



Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Everything Happens For A Reason . . .

Sometimes people come into our life and you know right away that they were meant to be there to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson or help figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be but you lock eyes with them, you know that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way.

And sometimes things happen to you at the time that may seem horrible, painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming those obstacles you would never realize your potential, strength, will power or heart.

Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of luck. Illness, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test limits of your soul.

Without these small tests, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere safe and comfortable but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet affect your life. The successes and downfalls that you experience can create whom you are, and the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact they are probably the most poignant and important ones. If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart, forgive them because they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart.

If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but also because they are teaching you to love and open your heart and eyes to little things. Make every day count. Appreciate everything that you possibly can, for you may never experience it again.

Talk to people whom you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Let yourself fall in love, break free and set your sights high. Hold you head up because you have every right to.

Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you. Create you own life and then go out and live it.



Tuesday, September 05, 2006


Over the weekend I watched a movie called CRASH .It was a really sad movie depicting a slice of life in a day in Los Angeles. Even after the movie was over I caught myself waiting to see more or to see what would happen or if things got better, but the movie ended. Do you sometimes feel that even after the show is over you are waiting for more. I see myself doing this often, sometimes getting into the lives of the characters and pondering over what would have happenend and what could have been done to save the person. I don't know if I am the odd one here or not.

I have been watching the serial Kavi Anjali on surya TV for over a year and the show abruptly came to a stop. I think the viewer should be told that the show is ending or atleast end it like in a story. I keep thinking of the different reasons that the show ended and also what became of the characters and also what the writers were thinking of. The serial was getting a bit boring and stupid, but I still think the networks owe it to the viewers to let them know when a show is about to end. Do you think so? Do you think a serial that has been running for over a year can just be turned off and a new one put in its place by the same producers, without as much as a goodbye. I like to know how others feel about this or is it only Me.


Monday, September 04, 2006

I AM BACK.........

It feels as though I went through a whole cycle and am back. I sure had a hard time with my template. " Me" spent a lot of time trying out different templates but it did not work. So I am back to my old one. I think sometimes old is good even though I really liked the one that' Me" sent me. Well maybe sometime later I will try to change it, as for now I think I better stay with what I have. I just hope it works. i Missed all of you and it feels as though I have not blogged in years. It feels good to be back home. so friends I am back and running not with the new but with the old. thank you everyone who tried to help I really appreciate everyones input. Special thanks to "Me".