Wednesday, February 21, 2007

WHAT I HAVE LEARNED.....................

Thank you all my friends who commented on my post about "Quarrel". I have gained a lot of insight about why we quarrel and what one can do.I thought I would summarize it so others can also take something back .

Why we quarrel:

  1. We argue because we care.
  2. Two opposite views always bring on a quarrel.
  3. Sometimes we argue because we get a false sense of satisfaction when we win.
  4. Quarrels emerge when one person feels threatened.
  5. Most often we concentrate on the adversary rather than the issue.
  6. The focus is shifted from the problem to the person.
  7. Unless there is acceptance and realization that we cannot force our opinions and thoughts on others. we will quarrel .
What we can do :
  1. Try to remain calm.
  2. Listen with your heart and be patient.
  3. Think before you speak.
  4. Do not bring out past issues, try to keep focused on the present problem.
  5. Do not say hurtful things.
  6. Do not add fuel to the fire, instead find a way to dampen things.
  7. Your tone of voice should be kept low.
  8. Do not have an argument when you are already angry.
  9. Try not to lose our individuality.
  10. It is better to let go than to try to prove a point.
  11. Feelings and emotions should be kept outside the box.
  12. If you feel an argument is going nowhere it is alright to make a sacrifice and walk away. Swallow your pride.
  13. Sometimes walking away shuts the other person out so return when the coast is clear and you are not angry and then try to have a decent conversation.
  14. Do not try and force your opinions and thoughts on others.
  15. And dear God please help me follow these rules!
DO NOT GO TO BED ANGRY.APOLOGIZE AND MAKE UP.

A Note to idol fans.
I don't think Sanjaya did very well yesterday on American Idol.I hope he gets another chance and is not voted out.I am still rooting for him.

I LOve this song By Cat Stevens.

56 comments:

samuru999 1:23 PM  

Wow! What a great post!
You put ...What you have learned together in an amazing way....you would make a good life coach!
Thanks for all the wise words!
The whole world could learn from this!
I never, ever go to bed angry!

I hope Sanjaya stays tonight.
I agree that he did not do his best last night on Idol!

Great song, I have always loved it!
Hope you are having a wonderful day!

Margie

starry nights 1:47 PM  

Thanks Margie..Having put it together I hope I will be able to practice it. I hope Sanjaya makes it thru too.There were so many good singers.

Orchid 2:12 PM  

I know starry :( I hope sanjaya doesn't get voted out..let's keep our fingers crossed for tonight

Asha 2:41 PM  

YES! YES! YES!!!! You got it right and I learned some too.Thanks for listing!:))

I thought Sanjaya's voice was great but the song he chose was sooo boring.He will be out of there sooner or later!He is 17!!

Keshi 3:27 PM  

we all have learnt alot from ur post and it's comments Starry. ty!

btw d u have a pic of ur's? :)

Keshi.

mystic rose 4:02 PM  

:)

so many rules to remember..:) i think if u start with a few good ones relevant to you or your problem area, the rest will follow...

sanjaya, unfortuantely i odnt watch an tv at all, excpet for the odd news program once every few weeks. where does anyone call in?

Keshi 5:45 PM  

and I dun have a pic of u starry...

:(

Keshi.

Blessed 5:50 PM  

Hi Miss Starry!!!
My problems trying to remain calm.
I got to get better control of my
mouth and my over powering mind.

I have been soooooo bad about watching American Idol. Here I am on internet and it's on.

BLESSINGS!!!

Shiva 6:27 PM  

Starry, thanks for capturing and organizing the factors. This would help eleminate many quarrelling minds.

Wow! The song brings solace. Thanks for introducing Cat Stevens.

starry nights 6:33 PM  

Orchid..I hope he gets to stay.

starry nights 6:34 PM  

Yes Asha I got it.I hope I can remember them when the time comes. I also think he has a good voice.he is really young and has not had much exposure.The choice of the song also plays a big part.

starry nights 6:35 PM  

Keshi we sure have. I don't have a current pic to post.

starry nights 6:37 PM  

Mystic rose..well on tuesday night the 12 guys sang.After the show the phone lines are open and theer is a number where you can call and also text message.Each person has a number which identifies them.today wednesday the girls sing.

starry nights 6:39 PM  

Blessed..so true.staying calm is the most important rule .I think I am addicted to American Idol.I tivo it so if I dont get to watch it tonight I can watch it to morrow.

starry nights 6:40 PM  

Shiva..thank you guys for all that advice. Cat stevans used to sing in the seventies.I love his songs.especially this one.

AlterinG Abhishek 7:25 PM  

wow..dats a lot of learning!!
tks nice post!!

Keshi 8:05 PM  

its ok Starry. Hugggggggggz!

Keshi.

Neihal 9:08 PM  

Yeah like that line...do not go to bed angry...:)

Jeevan 2:28 AM  

Very nice post dear!! i agree with your thoughts.

"Think before you speak" i used to do this, before leaving any words.

Lotus Reads 4:20 AM  

DO NOT GO TO BED ANGRY.APOLOGIZE AND MAKE UP

Do not let the sun go down on your anger indeed. Some beautiful words of wisdom there, Starry, infact, the whole post is a wonderful, helpful reminder of what to do when people push our angry buttons.

I have benefited much from reading this post, tks!

pRicky 4:47 AM  

spot on, like always...
enlightened once more...

Contented 7:20 AM  

I couldnt have agreed more! Nice song!

Nice to be back here.

starry nights 8:20 AM  

Abhishek.thank you.

starry nights 8:20 AM  

Keshi..I will send you one soon.Have not taken any pics because I have been unwell.

starry nights 8:21 AM  

Neihal..thanks

starry nights 8:21 AM  

Deepa..thanks.

starry nights 8:22 AM  

Jeevan..thank you.

starry nights 8:23 AM  

LOtus reads.thanks. thats what I got from reading all your comments.some sound advice.

starry nights 8:23 AM  

pRicky..thank you

starry nights 8:30 AM  

Contented..thank you. where have you been. missed seeing you around.

trinitystar 10:06 AM  

Wonderful post Starry nights,
A list of wisdom.
One of my favourite Cat Stevens too.
:o) nice to hear it again.

mathew 10:37 AM  

nice summarisation...although it seems that they are tough to follow..it is just a little bit of commitment from our side that can make all the differnce..hope we all gain something good out of it..

polona 12:13 PM  

you did a great job in putting these together.
may be useful for others, too
(love the song)

trinitystar 2:56 PM  

Thank you for your visit Starry, I just think that we are all on a journey and we do relate to each others words ... because so deep within us there is no separation we are all part of that whole.
Peace and joy Starry ... I do love that name. I love a Starry night
the stars seem so far ... yet they are so close to us ... their sparkle reaches and kisses us in the night.
:o)

Shionge 5:36 PM  

Oh Lalitha...one more about quarrelling is also because of the expectation I suppose.

Thank you for summarising it so well :D

vinay 7:37 PM  

trueeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!liked it!!!!by the way are u from kerala??malayali????

vinay 7:37 PM  

and yes...the last line..make up before the day ends...so very true!!

~*. D E E P A .* ~ 8:19 PM  

but u know .. it is so hard to say waht another person should do .. coz ONE MAN's MEAT IS ALWAYS ANOTHER MAN's POISON

Fuzzylogic 9:02 PM  

I loved the way you summarized it all together,perhaps it will help us to keep these in our minds and hope we can act upon them when needed at the crucial moment:)
I hope the sanjaya kid stays!Let's keep our fingers crossed!

By the way great song!

Ghost Particle 3:09 AM  

and the question will forever remain whether we can let of everything for the sake of the argument, or settling the argument to pacify the situation. Even if we are not wrong, can we just let go of it.

Nice list, very real and very true.

Jim 4:06 AM  

a good quarrel now and then is healthy

my girl and me quarrel all the time
then we kiss and make up

starry nights 8:31 AM  

Trinity star..thank you.I think he has such a soothing and peaceful voice.

starry nights 8:32 AM  

Mathew.thank you. I know its tough to remember all these rules.But am going to try.

starry nights 8:32 AM  

Polona..thank you.

starry nights 8:35 AM  

Trinity star..so true.we share each others words and learn from it, sometimes without even knowing it.Yes i love the starry nights.So far yet so close.Every night I can see the sky from my bed, and its always such a beautiful sight.Last night I could see the moon.sometimes shining on "J"s Face.

starry nights 8:36 AM  

Shionge..thank you. yes the expectation plays a big part.

starry nights 8:37 AM  

Vinay..thank you .and welcome to my blog and I do hope You stop by again. I am partly from Kerala, grew up in Bangalore.My husband is from kerala.

starry nights 8:39 AM  

Deepa..so true.But its nice to have a variety we can sure choose something from the list to take away and use in our lives.

starry nights 8:40 AM  

Fuzzylogic..thanks.The summary was the easy part, hoping to remmber and follow them is going to be hard,but have to try.
Good news Sanjaya made it to the second round."Hooray"

starry nights 8:41 AM  

Thank you Ghost.Thats the question which has to be answered individually.There is no one good answer.

starry nights 8:42 AM  

Jim..Thanks..yes makeup is the key.

southpaw 9:20 AM  

i learnt certain things for sure, thanks lalitha...

priya 1:24 PM  

Starry: You analyzed pretty well.

Cyberkitty 6:01 AM  

great information on quarrels....it's fun once in a while!

alex 6:30 PM  

:)

I came across this. It reminded me of this blog.

http://www.vangoghgallery.com/painting/starryindex.html

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