Tuesday, March 16, 2010


It was a very quiet day sunday,"J"and I had nothing much to do, one of those lazy, daisy days.we were tired of watching movies so we decided to just talk,he came upon a very interesting theory, saying that love is a choice.It is each one of us who decides whether we love the other person or not.sometimes knowingly and sometimes not.I was taken aback because I never ever thought of love like that.I always thought people fell in love.So he posed another question."What do you think happens when there is an arranged marriage? don,t you think the person makes a concious decision to love the other person even though they are strangers?" I thought about it for a while and then I asked him "Did you fall in love with me or choose to love me?" To this he replied."would you feel better if I told you I just happenned to fall in love with you versus I chose to love you."
I said "I don,t know". what do you think ? would you feel better if some one said they hand picked you from all the peole in this world to love or that by chance they just happenned to fall in love with you."VERY PERPLEXED


Srijith Unni 8:25 PM  

I'm thinking both are good.. In Love marriage, one falls in love first, then makes a choice whether he/she wants to continue loving the same person. In Arranged marriage, one makes the choice first and in the long run, falls in love.

An interesting thought though..

Have FUn,Take Care and God Bless!

With Best Regards,

Margie 9:45 PM  

I actually fell in love with my husband (head over heels)
I know it was the same way for him.
I like knowing that!

A most thought provoking post, Starry.
You have me thinking now.

Margie :)

Renu 10:32 PM  

Everyone loves to hear being loved by choice..but in arranged marriages, one never knows that feeling....here verything is arranged:)

Princess 4:06 AM  

hey starry,
i liked ' i just happen to fall in love with you'
i believe love just happens...

in arrange marriage they may start by a conscious decision but only when they really fall in love the relationship will be beautiful :) otherwise it would just be an untold agreement to live together for the sake of their children or the society.. dun u think!

adee 6:09 AM  

it is quite simple actually.
love is as much ur choice as living is :)

starry 8:19 AM  

Thanks Srijith.

starry 8:20 AM  

Margie thanks,it got me thinking too.

starry 8:20 AM  

Renu..so true.

starry 8:22 AM  

Princess..I think everyone likes to fall in love.Thats what I thought to.thats why it got me thinking. sometimes it is true what happens in an arranged marriage.

starry 8:22 AM  

Adee..so true.We do have a choice in everything.

hillgrandmom 9:10 AM  

Starry, in arranged marriages--certainly of my time--one made a conscious decision to get married and hoped one would love that person.
But even in a relationship where two people have 'fallen' in love, the long term continuance of that love, I think, requires some amount of conscious choice.

Id it is 1:59 PM  

If love is a choice, then why is it often referred to as being 'blind'? How and why does then one make the choice of loving someone who is shallow, insincere, unattractive, half-one's age,...
Making a choice is a discretionary move and by implication should be one that safeguards one's personal interest and well being, but as the above mentioned examples show, some instances of love are completely irrational and hence I would tend to believe that love is (unfortunately?) a 'falling' than a choice making. hehe

Sorry for the lengthy comment...I blame that on your interesting post.

krystyna 7:52 PM  

I think that falling in love - it is a nice feeling. But feelings are changeable.
It is better to consciously choose a person to love, and love her/him.

I think that way now, but I like to change my views.

starry 9:20 PM  

hillgrandmom...I also think that no matter what, one has to make a conscious decision to love that person and to continue to love.

starry 9:25 PM  

Id it is....I am just as confused as when I first asked this question, but it was fun to read everyones views .You made an inersting point.Thanks.

lena 3:25 AM  

Is it like all arranged marriages become by choice love ones? I don't think so. You just get along with each other because well.. you have no other choice. And there are other things - like respect and compromising and care and friendship etc... but that is not the same level of love and affection all the time.

I mean if someone feels he or she chooses love maybe he or she is confused... because he fell in love but sees it as his choice?

Personally I would love someone to FALL in love for me rather to say that he has CHOSEN me.

Sophie 11:07 PM  

you got me thinking starry!

Jeevan 1:18 AM  

Love is a feeling we can’t think over then.

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Cyberkitty 11:33 PM  

Arranged marriage is just something that people end up having if they are to scared to fight for the one they love or their love is too scared to support them...or if someone is too dull to have anyone fall in love with them....ha ha ha

starry 7:11 PM  

Lena..you have a point there.

starry 7:12 PM  

sophie..it got me thinking too, and I am still not sure if it is a choice.

starry 7:12 PM  

Jeevan..sure love is a feeling.

starry 7:12 PM  


starry 7:14 PM  

Cyberkitty..I am not saying that arranged marriages are true love, or that falling in love is true love, each one has its pros and cons.all I want to know is do we have a choice when it comes to love."J" thinks we do.I am not sure.Thanks for trying to explain.

Priya 5:29 PM  

I think falling in love just happens. But even in that you chose to love in the long term. Many stay for days or few months and they split. People chose to love in the run for better understanding and commitment than just to fall.

But love happens just like that and at first you only fall for it even before you choose isn't. I go with falling in love first.

Onedia 3:55 PM  

Does it matter how love comes to us? Yes I think you can decide to love someone. Forgiveness is an act of will ... love can be as well. Perhaps it isn't as romantic as finding your split-apart but if it works and lasts it should be cherished since so many people are totally unable to sustain love. If one can decide to love and carry through on that it is quite a gift of spirit.

starry 4:13 PM  

Oneida...First let me welcome you to my blog and I do hope you will stop by again.very well said.I have to agree.It is better to have loved no matter if it was a choice or it just happened than not to love at all.

White Magpie 10:47 AM  

How can love be a chosen thing? It's not a decision. Choosing to marry is a decision.

Love happens. Actually.

N 3:37 AM  

This is a very opinionated topic....there are no golden rules of it...take it as you want to...as for arranged marriages are concerned, I guess people start mistaking habit for love..

Anonymous,  2:44 AM  


I think love should definitely happen by chance. Like shit happens, accidents happen, love also happens.
The below case is say, your situation and perspective:
1) You can't choose one over the other and forcefully develop feelings for that person, just coz he is better than rest of the people you know (I am talking about the ones you can get married to). In that case, love will not stay for a long time. The day you will find anybody better than your love, you will regret or leave him or may be cheat on him.
2) Whereas, when it happens by CHANCE, you have the feelings, the passion to pursue the relation with the other person, which does not go away easily unless your love chooses you.
This is what my thinking is. I may be wrong and please, my comments are not meant to offend anybody here on the blog.

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