ACROSS THE MILES

"DON'T BLAME ME"

This is part TWO of the class that "J" attended.He shared this with me and I have found it helpful ( I am still in the learning stage)so thought I would share it with you.

How often when something goes wrong, our first thoughts are "Don't blame me". I know I am guilty of doing this. I either do this because I am afraid to say that I have made a mistake, appear to look like a failure or it is my ego .we are always looking to place the blame on someone else. I can only speak for me and I think this happens in my relationship with "J". I feel I always have to defend myself and place blame on circumstances in my life that have made me do or be the person I am.

We have to be accountable for our actions.There are different levels of accountability


1.WE CAN GET ON WITH IT
2.FIND SOLUTIONS,OWN IT
3.ACKNOWLEDGE REALITY

4.WAIT & HOPE
5.GIVE PERSONAL EXCUSES, want sympathy.
6.BLAME OTHERS.

When we find ourselves in a given situation there are different things we can do.The first three make us powerful,it shows a desire and willingness to learn and change. and the last three make us powerless and gives us a feeling of helplessness and makes us feel like a victim.

Sometimes it is hard to choose the levels of accountability and it is so much easier to just blame others and pretend that you are the victim. But by accepting that we made a mistake we may look imperfect,but we reap many benefits, such as we learn, we grow, we have better relationships and have more control of our lives.

Sometimes the results we get are not the results we expected.And this happens to all of us , some people feel victimized by the circumstance and events in their lives, while others make the best of whatever happens.The difference between the two is how they see things.It is not possible always to make the right choice but if we are aware that we have the ability to make a change by our choices I am sure we can.


INSTEAD OF WANTING TO CHANGE THE OTHER PERSON ,TRY CHANGING ME (That's what I have to do in my life)

ACCEPTING THE SITUATION DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU CONDONE THE BEHAVIOR OR THE OUTCOME.RATHER ACCEPTANCE AND HUMILITY RELEASES A RESILIENCE AND ENERGY TO CONTINUE THROUGH THE DEMANDS OF THE DAY AND TO GAIN THE PERSPECTIVE NECESSARY TO CHOOSE THE RIGHT PATH.

"A success is one who decided to succeed and worked.A failure is one who decided to succeed and wished" William ward.

"He that is good at making excuses is seldom good at anything else." Benjamin Franklin

"As adults our choices are almost unlimited.That does not mean that they are not painful.Frequently our choices lie between the lesser of two evils,but it is still within our power to make these choices."Author unknown.

I have learned that I have to be accountable in my life,to the choices I make and that Only I can change me. I know that I have always felt that my relationship with "J" would be better if he changed. (Maybe it would help a little) But I think it is in my hands to make it better. I think the first step is to accept blame and not be the victim.("Dear God please help me follow this")

credit to "Senn Delaney leadership class."